Everything I would tell a friend who’s a new mom

The words I needed to hear as a first-time mom, written four babies later.

One of the most read posts on my blog is about my first month home with our first son Teddy. I wrote it weeks after his delivery with an episiotomy performed by a gruff on-call OBGYN — and even though I was grateful for a healthy baby and desperately wanted to feel unequivocally joyful — I was also whiplashed by what my body had just been through, terrified that I would never look or feel like myself again, and anxious about getting the hang of breastfeeding or ever getting a full night’s sleep again.

Now that I’ve been through that blurry first month postpartum four times, I wanted to look back and share absolutely everything I would tell a friend who’s a new mom.

1. Your body has just been through the wringer — please give yourself grace. Episiotomy, no episiotomy, c-section, planned or unplanned… Whatever your labor and delivery experience, giving birth is one of the most taxing things you’ll ever do physically, mentally, and emotionally. You’re allowed to mourn the birth or post-birth experience you’d hoped for in tandem with marveling at the baby that came from it.

2. Everything is new and overwhelming until it’s not — please give yourself time. I shed so many tears about breastfeeding Teddy in his first couple weeks home from the hospital. No number of lactation classes could have prepared me for that initial pain (when even running water in the shower felt excruciating?!) or the anxiety that even after 45 minutes of dutifully timed nursing, I had no idea whether he’d really gotten enough. I’ve since nursed a combined 44 months across 4 babies and in time it mostly just became easier than the alternatives… and any time it no longer felt that way (for me or the baby), we pivoted to formula and absolutely no one was worse for it.